In our study of Titus 2 in the last blog, we covered the question of what true discipleship is supposed to look like in the Church and how there is a great disconnect between the generations within the walls of our churches. We saw how we have to counteract this by overcoming our own pride and selfishness and humbly approaching one another in Love in order to walk together through the hardships and pain of life.
Now we must shift from the question, “What is the problem?” to what all of these blogs have been leading up to. “Discipleship can only be accomplished if we start it ourselves and ask God to multiply our efforts, change lives around us, and eventually the whole church.”
Before I go any further, let me say I am no expert on any of this. You and I are walking together through some things God has put on my heart, things I don’t fully have a handle on. I am convicted that we, the church, are putting too much time and effort into programs and campaigns that, while good, don’t fully carry out the plan of discipleship in the church. But that isn’t the problem; the problem is that we, the people of the church, are buying into it.
Small groups, for instance, are great for fellowship and sharing a meal, but small groups can be dangerous too. American churchgoers and leaders alike have bought into the idea that small groups are where all the discipleship is supposed to take place within the church. There is a huge downside to “small group fellowship.” Christians’ lives need accountability and vulnerability that cannot grow in the small group setting.
Just look at how many types of small groups there are in the typical church: young singles, young married couples with no kids, young married couples with kids, college groups, seniors groups, middle aged married, middle aged with kids, middle aged singles, young professionals, the “empty nesters” older married couples group, the list goes on and on. Here lies the first problem with small groups.
By design, small groups are used to create an environment for new members of the church to become acclimated with a group of people from the same walk of life that they are in. Pick an age group, kids or no kids, and a group that is moving in the same direction you are, professionals, college, single, ect.
This segregated approach to small groups, whether intentional or unintentional, prevents the first step in discipleship from taking place. Older men and women guiding younger men and women cannot happen if the young people and their elders are in two different small groups. If you are only surrounding yourself with people of your age group who share the similar walk of life that you have, it isn’t possible for you to be discipled or disciple others. In other words, you can’t learn for your elders if they aren’t in your group, nor can you disciple those who are younger than you, if you’re not in their groups.
I am not saying that to find a group of people your age to enjoy fellowship with is a bad thing. I am saying that discipleship cannot be successfully accomplished in a small group setting alone.
The biggest and most influential change that can be made to small groups is, a change in leadership over each group. You can’t expect any substantial growth to come of a group of young married couples if other young married couples are leading them. If you are looking for a leader to guide a young married couples’ small group, place a Godly, older married couple, with many years of marriage experience, over that group. This will allow that older couple to plug into the lives of those young couples in the critical early phases of their marriages. In the same way, those older married couples should have access to a small group led by an “empty nester” married couple.
Secondly, it is imperative that there isn’t a rotation of people within each small group. So many times, I see small groups of people that seem to change on a near monthly basis. Accountability, vulnerability, and spiritual growth, are nearly impossible in a setting where faces change regularly. It is going to be very difficult for a husband and wife to open up to their group about their marriage problems or struggles they are having if there are constantly new couples being added to the group. There won’t be a chance for people to move from small talk and surface level conversation into the deep healing waters of vulnerability and accountability in unfamiliar settings with unfamiliar people.
Those two changes alone will drastically transform the spiritual growth within any church’s small group ministry. But, what if your church isn’t open to changing the way their discipleship program works? What if they don’t see eye to eye with you? What can be done to approach leadership on these matters?
It is very easy to see things that you feel are wrong with your church, and lash out at leadership, spread rumors, and talk down about leadership to others instead of approaching the problem head on. This is gossip. It is sin, and God will hold those who feel the need to run to gossip over a Godly approach accountable for their actions. It is wrong to “reach out” and speak to others about your opinions in the name of God’s will, and not go straight to Church leadership. One of the quickest and easiest ways Satan can cause division and disruption in the Church is through well intended Christians who try to solve problems they see in leadership by not going through the proper channels or even consulting God’s will before doing so.
If there is a problem that we see in church leadership, there are important steps that must be taken before we even think of approaching them. Skip any one of these steps and surely failure will be the only result. God does not honor those who don’t honor Him in any situation.
Step one in preparing to talk to leadership is to right yourself with God. Jesus tells a parable of the man who tried to get the spec out of his friend’s eye while not addressing the tree branch lodged in his own. This is what Jesus was talking about! If you are not in a place of humility and brokenness before our living God; if I am not in a place of humility and brokenness before our Holy and Honorable God, than what business do I have correcting another believer?
Step two in preparing to talk to leadership is to pray over leadership and the problem. This does not just mean praying about what to say to an individual, but whether or not it is God’s will for you to open your mouth at all. Our own selfishness often times overshadows our discernment of God’s will. This shows both lack of spiritual discipline and a lack of attention to God’s will and purpose. When we take it upon ourselves to speak when it isn’t our place or God’s will, we are acting in sin with good intensions. Pray, therefore, and seek God’s will. Ask Him if you are only supposed to pray or if you are to speak to someone about a problem.
Step three in preparing to speak to leadership is to speak to leadership and leadership only. There is no commentary needed for this point. If you need to talk to leadership about a problem, talk to them and not everyone you know that’s not leadership, period. It’s called gossip and it’s a sin, and sin keeps you from being right with God, which is addressed in step one.
I will say this one more time: Know your place. If it is not your place to speak then shut up, you won't just make the problem worse, you will destroy your integrity and your right standing with God. Trust God for the "problems" you see. Don't get caught up in the emotions surrounding an issue within the church. Remember God's word:
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Pray for your leadership, ask God to move in your church. Act always in patience and love. Did I say Pray?
So there it is, Discipleship and the Church go hand in hand, but as we have discussed, the American Church has slowly drifted away from this concept. In Discipleship and the Church Part I, we looked at what discipleship is and how much different it is in the states, as opposed to elsewhere in the World. In Part II, we discussed who’s responsibility discipleship is and who is to be held accountable for discipling others. Now in this last installment, we have looked at some changes that can be made to better facilitate discipleship and growth within the church, and lastly the three major steps in preparing ourselves to talk with Church leadership should discipleship not be at the forefront of the church.
My prayer is that you will see these blogs for what they are, my own thoughts and ideas and not necessarily the “right” answer for the church. God has really put this on my heart that the church in the U.S. is missing out on a huge harvest in our own back yards because we are the lazy, fat, idolatry riddled portion on His church. Because we aren’t discipling the way we need to, people are falling through the cracks and not being raised to think with wisdom on the things of Christ. Then, because we are losing so many people to lack of discipleship, we throw lights, sound systems, and a stylish worship leader/pastor combo in front of our church in the name of “relevance” and still lose people right out the front door. It is time that we, the church, take a stand for Discipleship, roll up our sleeves, and plug into the dirty, sinful, hurting lives of those around us and bring the light of Christ to them, instead of making a place for them to come to us.
I hope you will consider joining me for the next blog series I’m doing writing called: “Where is the Grace?” We are going to take a few entries to look at the way that we, as Christians, seem to hoard Grace for ourselves but are slow to give it away to anyone else. We use God's Grace as a lifeboat to save ourselves from sinking and refuse to pull others onboard. Christians have grown accustomed to hoarding Grace. What is our lack of Grace doing to help a hurting world or is it killing our message of hope and forgiveness to a dying and sinful world?
As always, your comments are welcome, thanks for reading!
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